Contemplation of and on Suicide
by Jess.E.D
Summary: I'm not to good at Summarys so, Its what the title indicates. My first YGO and suicide type fic. I'm not sure if there will be character death yet. We'll have to see ne? Read and Review please?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Y-G-O. Just the plot of this story so no suing me k? Also no copying this story and posting it somewhere else.

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____'s Journal 12-7-03

Suicide

For some reason people think it be a cowards way out of life. Most of the time it is.

But lately people are doing it more and more often. Does that mean they were cowards for choosing a relatively painless way to die then live in this hellish world struggling day to day week to week, month to month and year to year for what? Why is it we even exist in the first place? Why is it necessary to be 'rich' and 'powerful' other then to have a sense of… All-powerfulness. Secureness. Most of them are just greedy, insecure with themselves. But back to what I was saying.

Why is it cowardly if someone who has nothing left, no family, friends, means of survival, called a coward if they commit suicide because they didn't want to live on the streets begging, getting mugged, gang-raped just for a minute chance at getting a chance to get off the streets? What about the people who's lives are fucked because their own _families_ are the ones beating them, abusing them, raping them? Are they cowards too?

I mean sure there's some people who do it cause they're too lazy to try and claw their way out of whatever shit they got themselves into but really sometimes they do try to the best of _their_ abilities but to we who 'observe' their limits might be far below ours. We need to stop calling them cowards and help them. Just like I need help. I know that I haven't got it all that bad. Family and friends ignoring me because of a small mistake. Who knew I wasn't allowed to kill the guy who tried to rape my partner, my love. But I knew that if we just handed him to the police he'd be out pretty soon and be skulking around raping people again. Punishment game you say? I couldn't seeing how _someone_ smashed the Puzzle. 3 guesses to whom did that little 'accident' as I was trying to go back outside after the bastard.

If you came to the conclusion of Katsuya Jounouchi –stupid mutt. I cant believe Kaiba decided to date it.- then you guessed correctly. Anyway back to what I was saying.

I only killed that guy because - 1) The Puzzle broke meaning no Punishment Game *heavy sigh*. 2) Couldn't give him to the Police, out in a few weeks/months. And lucky last 3) I lost it seeing my lover underneath that brute about to be speared by the fuckers cock. Maybe I should've just knocked him out and tied him up, fixed the puzzle and ta-da punishment game. But sorry, too late now. I wished they would get over what happened. You know the whole forgive and forget thing? But it's been 5 months of hardly eating, sleeping. Vicious glares, stony silence.

A few days ago I was amazed when a few bullies came up to me and started pummelling me. I mean me, ex-pharaoh of Egypt, King of Games, _very_ good at a few fighting styles, and here I was getting beat. That only lasted for a moment till I regained my wits though I payed pretty badly for my lack of attention.

I still can't believe I still have to go to that school they signed me into almost straight away after I got my body.

Anyway more into that later. I need to go to this hell hole of a school where I have to dodge Yuugi and co, plus bullies, freaks and teachers.

Seeya after school.

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A/N: Thanks all for reading, please review?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Don't Own.

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Yami's Journal 22-8-03

It's gotten worse. Everywhere I go people stare at me and I _know_ they do not contain curiosity. I've been having to dodge bullies and _creeps_ nearly everyday.

A bunch of them nearly cornered me in the alleys near the Game Store. I managed to get out of that by the tips of my fingers. Literally. I had to jump and climb the stone fence and seeing how I haven't been managing to eat or sleep properly lately I know its only a matter of time before I'm caught. Frankly I'm getting sick of it and I have been trying to eat and sleep but I keep puking it back up a short while after I've eaten and nightmares disturb me when I manage to fall asleep. Wonderful times to become an insomniac.

Yuugi and the others are still ignoring me but Marik has been looking at me weirdly lately –sigh- I do hope he isn't going to do some weird ass scheme to try and get my Puzzle again.

I've just tried eating a late night snack. I managed about a quarter of it though my stomach rolls and churns and I know that soon I wont be able to keep it in any longer. Unless I use the shadows to force my body to accept the food. Downside is Yuugi's got the Puzzle.

I managed to sneak into his room and get my Puzzle back around my neck. Just in time too as I had to immediately force my body to _not puke_. Thankfully it is the holidays. I have 10 days to try and get my body back into some semblance of health and fitness. I am going to go put myself to sleep in just a moment. I have to secure my room, both door, window and other possible entrances because Yuugi will be trying to get the puzzle back the moment he wakes up. Goodnight and I hope that I feel marginally better in the morning for finally eating something and keeping it down.

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Yami's Journal 23-8-03

I awoke to banging on my door and at least 3 different voices shouting at me. Despite that rude awakening I was feeling better than the night/day before. Maybe it was the food I managed to keep down(Thank you oh wonderful shadows!), the fact that I had a _restful_ sleep or because I have my Puzzle back around my neck I know not. The banging and screaming stopped though there where some low murmurs I couldn't quite catch. A feeling of doom overcame me and I on impulse fed more magic and strength into the wards. Apparently I was just in time to thwart… They enlisted _Bakura_(!?) how the hell did they manage that? The stupid thief doesn't let _anybody_ order him around. Ah, Ryou, I had forgotten.

Correct me if I am wrong but they all -moderately- get along with Bakura and he kills what weekly? Monthly? This is the first man I killed since I was reborn and they give me the cold shoulder? With a valid reason of protecting my love, my light, my other half, my life? Sometimes I wonder whether or not just to end it all or to move somewhere else or go and stay forevermore in the shadows?

I am not sure. I thank the fact that we have plenty of leather cuffs. They hide the bandages and cuts that heal abnormally fast and do not scar, for which I am grateful.

Aside from the earlier screech of rage from Bakura and the murmurs of Ryou and annoyed voices of the others it is quiet though I do not dare let my guard down. I tie the wards to the Puzzle. No one without my permission will be able to get into this room now. Too bad the only portable wards are sensing ones which I will be putting up the moment after I eat something. Only problem with that is I do not know if they are just waiting in an ambush for the moment I step out the door.

Oh well, I shall have to risk it. Wish me luck.

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A/N: Thanks all for reading, please review?


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